30th November 2017. This date will stick in my head forever I think- I hope. Not to be dramatic but my whole life and mentality changed drastically on the 30th November 2017. This is my discovering Pregnancy story.
Nausea, a lack of menstruation and a whole lot of cat-ladyish moodswings suggested to me to get a test and find out. I never thought much of what it would be like to be a mum- in all honesty I believed that I would have so much time to spend getting my wild years out of the way before settling down to create a family, but alas- this was not the case. There were so many years where myself and my partner were not careful in that department, which caused me great worry about my fertility as I never fell pregnant and felt like there should have been plenty of occasions when I had.
-Discovering Pregnancy from a Test-
I have had pregnancy scares before though and have then taken a test and found it to be negative bringing me to somewhat of an impasse; was I happy or sad? Sure, I was always relieved to know that I had the chance to figure out how to look after myself properly let alone another, but I was also always a little bit let down by my body, believing it to be impossible to carry a baby.
So you can imagine my bafflement when I saw the little whirring wait symbol being replaced by a “pregnant” sign which was then followed by “3+ weeks” after weeing on the stick.
-Discovering Pregnancy and my Immediate Thoughts-
If my head was thinking clearly enough these would have been the stages of emotions:
- Oh shit
- Shit shit shit
- Oh my lord, I can’t believe it
- No way
- I better take the second test to double check *pushes to pee again but nothing happens*
- *stares at first test* Oh crap, what? Seriously?
- *squints eyes to make sure I am reading correctly* Me? Wow I’m amazed!
- I thought I couldn’t get pregnant, WOW!
- No way, this test must be confused
- How accurate are these things anyway? *reads the label*
- PRETTY FRIGGING ACCURATE!
- HOW THE CRAP AM I GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS
- HOW THE CRAP AM I GOING TO TELL TAMA?
- Aw Tama will be such a supportive Dad and baby partner
- I love him to the moon and back
- AND IM GOING TO LOVE OUR CHILD TO THE MOON AND BACK
- WHAT A BLESSING
- WHAT A WORLD
- WHAT A DAY TO BE ALIVE
- I can’t believe it *cries*
I ran through to tell my sister who was working away in the room next to the bathroom, by this point she already knew the outcome what with the tell-tale signs of my sailor mouth.
She was so supportive and it was great to receive such a great and steady voice telling me it was going to be okay. Meanwhile I was crazed, erratic and not thinking clearly at all! Bouncing from one thing to the next…
“I need to get my blog up and running properly to support our family on maternity leave”… “How much pressure is it that my actions right now could make or break our baby?”… “I don’t know when to tell people”…. “I certainly can’t go back to work just now!”
-Discovering Pregnancy and telling the Dad-
I ran downstairs to confess to Tama, who was sleeping, blissfully unaware, on the couch from his late shift the night before. Not even caring that he was getting some much-needed rest, I verbally slapped him in the face with this news… “TAMA WAKE UP” I shouted as I shoved the positive pregnancy test in his face.
He woke up slowly and his wee face was an absolute picture when his blurred sleepy vision focused on the positive result. He was so shocked and it confirmed to me that this was suddenly very real so I did the thing that any Mother-to-be would do… I burst into tears and became inconsolable for about 3 minutes before I suddenly perked up and excited myself about the topic again.
It was so surreal to know that I was going to be creating a life within me. Surreal in so many ways.
I now hold two hearts within my body, letting me love the situation more.
I very quickly booked an appointment at the Doctor’s surgery down the road from me and immediately made plans to get my life in order- who would have thought that this would be as hard as it was?
The rest of the day was a bit crazy- I couldn’t stop going on about it, Lord knows I tried and my poor sister must have gotten a bit fed up of me, but didn’t say anything other than supportive words. I just couldn’t believe it and I felt like talking about it confirmed the situation more for me. So many thoughts were rushing through my head.
-Discovering Pregnancy and my Afterthoughts-
By the time night fell, I was ready for my bed. My head was so fritzed that I began to go down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts, which is something that I frequently try to avoid.
What was so strange was that my whole life was going to change so drastically and while I had to just accept this and go with it, it was bizarre to me to think that everything else was continuing on the same way externally.
Finding out I was pregnant was the beginning step to something beautiful. As much as our little blip is creating a mighty load of pressure on our situation (we have lots more than the normal couple to sort out prior to the arrival of our precious bambino), we could not be more excited and I am so enthused to be sharing this journey with the love of my life, Tama.
I can’t sit here and regret my choices in sexual practise 6 weeks ago because I am too happy about the prospects that lie ahead with this baby and while it may be a terrifying thought that I am missing out on travelling the world, it is the truth that my baby is going to provide me with some of the most amazing, love-filled years ahead of me and its all worth it.
We love you so much already little blip and can’t wait to meet you in 7 and a half months!